I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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