All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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