I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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