I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
