"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
