ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
