I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
