I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
