Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
