Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
