my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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