she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
