people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
