Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize