Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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