I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
