yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize