Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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