Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
