yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
