Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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