Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
