He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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