if only i could text you this smell
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
