If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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