He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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