I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
