Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
