What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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