Apparently you make a good broom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize