I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
