Plan B is the new Plan A
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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