This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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