therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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