So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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