it's too hot outside to masturbate.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
