Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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