member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
