My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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