I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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