its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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