bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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