We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize