I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
