Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
