At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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