champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
