Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
