he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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