Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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