Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
someone owes me an orgasm
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
