i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
