I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
