fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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