Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize