If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
