Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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