so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
