u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
