i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
