Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
