Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
4 words: hood of his car
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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