For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize