I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
