I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My vagina is officially offended.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
