Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
