I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
