just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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