If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
