Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The power of my boobs compel you
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
